Taken outside one of a small handful of clearings in Baxter’s Hollow, North Freedom, WI. I found this spot very shortly after my tripod unexpectedly gave way and turned my camera into a makeshift sledgehammer. Luckily, the camera back struck soft mud, or this shot and the rest taken on the day may have never been. This was also taken in the early summer of 2020 when next-to-nothing about COVID was known, and the narrow trails made distancing from other hikers a challenge. Concern for the safety of my partner and myself, and frustration with my gear left me feeling out of place instead of immersed, and dimmed my sense of appreciation. What I sought as a photographer dimmed in kind.
Upon entering the clearing, I was immediately struck by a lone and venerable oak standing over a scattered mass of fallen logs. The clearing didn’t seem man-made, but cut remnants were collected there as if its only purpose was easy storage. I took a few uninspired photos of that scene and arrived at this woodland path a few paces after, and the sudden change from unsettling emptiness to flourishing vitality was mirrored within. I didn’t know what state my camera was in after its fall, but I chose to take this photo anyway. Through that act of belief, I chose to return to finding my place within the land, to find genuine ways to honor and celebrate it, and to see more than just what was through my camera’s lens.
Sadly, being present was a choice. Like the unusual collection of cuttings in that clearing, I was inclined to drop my personal difficulties in any suitable vacant space, and my insecure presence made for an ideal opening. As with the shadowy foreground of this photo, it wasn’t enough to see what lay beyond the clearing or to step outside of the shadow I was in. I had to learn to know myself better and find a more welcome inner landscape so that moderate challenges wouldn’t risk putting me on autopilot. That is likely to be a lifelong process, but the result of the alternative was clear – difficulties dropped everywhere and denying all growth and color as they crowd closer to my being, the lone bastion in the center of it all.
Mamiya RB 67 Pro-S
Mamiya 50mm f/4.5 C
Ilford Delta – ISO 100 – 6×7